1. Foreword.

I suppose I should explain a few things… This is my travelogue, concerning events and situations in that great landmass known as Australia – famed for it’s many and varied dangerous creatures, including spiders, kangaroos, rabbits sheep and the lesser known Sionnagh.
I haven’t changed any names to protect anyone – mainly because most of the people in this travelogue don’t actually need protection – and are, in any case – considered more of a threat to the rest of humanity or at least those members who line up and scream “HAI!” at a chap in a black and white belt on a regular basis.
So please don’t sue me because A – I’ll hate you forever, and B – I haven’t actually got any money.
And please take any insults, jibes, jokes and other mockery in the spirit it’s given please. Pretty please…

2. England V Scotland and The Flight Out.

I think the whole adventure started on the wrong foot, when my outbound flight was scheduled to fly out on the day after the monumental England V Scotland rugby game.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t actually have been staying in Twickenham with my sister and her fiancé.
The upshot of it was, I spent the whole day in the pub watching the Six Nations Championship with several thousand, rabid, rugger fans and woke up bright and fresh on the Sunday morning with an absolute clanger of a hangover – ideal flying conditions…
For those who are interested, England beat Scotland 43-22 to claim fourth place. The Six Nations trophy being won by Wales, who were captained by Gavin Henson, who incidentally is going out with Charlotte Church.
I’m a little worried about that fact really. If I was going out with Charlotte Church, I’d be too knackered to play any Rugby at all. So either way, there’s either something wrong with him – or there’s something wrong with her. I know there’s nothing wrong with his rugby…
The flight to Singapore was as good as I expected. I’ve always known it’s my solemn duty to spend a little time with the most insipid people on the face of the Earth – and that damn flight was full of `em. When the highlight of your flight is having a small child at full bawl two rows in front of you – you know you are not having a good time! So thanks must go to The Pogues for the music, and Clive Barker for the literacy. Both of whom did a damn fine job of keeping my senses intact.
The flight to Oz was much better. I got talking to an English student who was studying in Perth. I first got to know him when he asked to borrow my pen to fill out the boarding card. And then he drew the short straw and got to sit next to me on the plane.
“So, what are you doing in Perth then?” I asked.
“Oh, I’m studying English Language At the University of Western Australia….” This sounded ok to me, flying to Oz to study English Language is as about as sane as the reason I was flying over… “And what are you doing?” he asked.
“ I train in an Australian Karate style that has recently expanded to the UK, I’m researching the differences between teaching and training practices between the countries.”
“And you’re traveling 12,000 miles to do that?”
“Yes.”
He gave me a look.
I avoided eye contact for the rest of the journey.

3. Into Oz and backyard beers.

Met Matt, Yolanda and Kathie at the Airport. A few introductions may be in order here. Matt is 37, runs a financial Accounting firm – and just in case you thought accountants were boring, is a Black Belt in GoKanRyu, a Brown Belt in Tae Kwon Do and also studies Kitsunekan Karate. He also appreciates fine wines – although not to the point where he actually gets to keep them from being drunk.
Yolanda is Matt’s wife. She’s a lovely blonde girl, has studied GKR in the past and does Tae Kwon Do from time to time. She’s a good talker, a great listener and a whiz in the kitchen, and manages to be an ideal counterpoint to most of Matt’s arguments.
Kathie is in her mid-thirties, web designer, computer programmer – and has an evil sense of humour.
On first impressions, none of them were how I’d pictured them to be. But people never are really. That’s what makes `em special people really…
We got to Matt’s house at about five o’clock – but we had to make a detour first to pick up Kathie’s suitcase from Mick’s car.
Mick had picked up Kathie from the airport earlier – but had college later on in the day, so had left her case in his boot.
We found Mick’s car in the college car park. I can only assume the general rubbish and detritus on the floor on the car was to hide the holes in the floor panel.
The car was a 1978 Holden Gemini. I know it as a Vauxhall Chevette. My Dad had one and bent it around a lamppost in 1980 – looking back, he said it was the smartest move he ever did.
So we picked up the case and went to Matt’s house. Matt and Yol live in a nice suburb of Perth called South Lake. I never found the lake.
I spent an hour showering and unpacking and joined the others in the garden. At around 7pm, Susan and Mick joined us. Sue is a Moderator on the WGV forum – same as me. She’s about 24-25 tough as nails and is generally acerbic in her approach to things. When you say something to her, you’d better be sure it’s worth saying otherwise she’ll give you hell forever. I took to her immediately.
Mick I knew from the forum – a decent chap and a mine of information on obscure karate techniques.

We spent the rest of the evening getting to know each other – bearing in mind people had only really known each other through the medium of the Internet – which doesn’t always make for good social enactment skills.

4. Tuesday. A suspected heart attack, transport issues and a very entertaining senior class.

I woke up at 11.30am. My body clock shot to pieces by jetlag (although drinking beer until midnight probably didn’t help!)
Unbeknownst to me, whilst in my somnambulant state, I'd caused a minor drama. Matt and Yol had gone to work at about 8am and Matt had been trying to call me all morning to try and wake me up …… no chance……
So Matt does the usual thing and starts panicking. After about two hours of trying to call me, he calls Kathie “Can you get over to my house quickly, I think Tom's had a heart attack or something, he's not answering his phone!”
Hmmm… I may not be in prime physical shape – but I'm certainly not in heart attack territory!
So, Kathie sends me a text message, which wakes me up, then phones Matt to tell him the good news that he wouldn't have to dispose of a corpse.
I swear I could hear the sigh of relief from 30 kilometers away – I expect he was wondering how he would fit me in the wheelie bin.
So, Kathie comes over in Sue's car at about midday and we pick up Matt's old car and drop Sue's car off to her at work in Rockingham.


I found driving around Perth quite entertaining, especially the fact that most people kept to the speed limit (compared to the UK at least).
Cars. Australian cars have huge engines – I never really found out why… Maybe it's so your average Ozident can build up speed while driving through the desert …… after all, if you hit a kangaroo or something, you want enough speed to flip the poor devil over the car – rather than have it come howling through the windscreen at 100kph or whatever, which I imagine would cause some shock and panic – not least to the kangaroo.
We stopped off in Rockingham for a spot of lunch and to do a bit of shopping – I needed some sunglasses and some sunblock, both of those items being very important in Oz – even more than "barbies".
We got back to Matt's at around 5pm and Me, Kathie, Sue and Matt went to a special Senior class hosted by the RM for region 28, a certain Sensei Grant West.
So we traipse into the Hall, it was the first class Matt'd been to since retiring from teaching due to a knee injury. Matt introduced me to Sensei, and asks me how I am, I say “G'day mate – I'm fine! How're you?”
I guess I was a little overawed…
It was certainly different to any other senior class I've been so. There was an equal number of instructors to students, so it made a good mix.
We raced through warm-up and basics then tried out combinations, each instructor paired up with a student and we each practiced on each other, was interesting to see the instructors different levels of ability – some pulled their punches more than others – some picked up on different things. I can't remember exactly what combinations we did, sadly. We ran out of time so we didn't get to do any kata or kumite ……… I wasn't too bothered though – I knew there'd be plenty of other opportunities.
We did the bow out at the end, and Sensei thanked Me and Kathie for coming and said that he was pleased to have us train with him, he also gave a plug for the Forum and gave us a round of applause, which made me very happy! I didn't think my karate was that good
Spent the rest of the evening in the garden drinking beer……… can you see a pattern forming?

5. Wednesday. Touring Fremantle, A prison, Micks class and a GREAT BIG SUB…..

Woke up at about ten – bout an hour later than I planned to wake... was pleasantly surprised to have had no missed calls from Matt... He was obviously convinced that I was out of the danger zone for heart attacks – or maybe was busy ordering the XXL size wheelie bin, was never quite sure.
Kathie came round about half an hour later and we went into Fremantle to have a look round. I consulted my guidebook and they mentioned several museums and the prison – so we decided to have a look at them. Now, I don’t usually trust guidebooks – having read one years ago that said my hometown was actually quite an interesting place to live (yes, but for all the wrong reasons ).
So we got to the prison at about eleven a.m. – already it was damn hot – so I thought a nice cool prison would be just the thing. What I found, when wandering around it, was just how damn eerie it was. What I didn't know then, was that the prison had been a working prison up until ten years previously – and that a few former inmates actually worked as tour guides – maybe it was part of their parole conditions, I dunno.
What I found fascinating was that some of the inmates had painted the cells themselves – I’m not talking stencils and a roller here – just some of these chaps must have been really talented - I wondered what they did to find themselves behind bars...


And then we came upon the Gallows room – jesus...
It was so creepy, for some reason my camera didn’t work in there. I mean, the prison was cold – but this room chilled the bones. Just to have stepped into a room where so many people have met their end... Even Matt’s old dojo wasn’t as bad as that.
Having my nerves suitably chilled, me and Kathie decided we needed to lighten up a little, and so drove on to Freo harbour to see the various sights.

We wandered around a shipwreck museum. This one was devoted to the wreck of the Batavia, a merchantman that had sank off the coast of Australia some 300 years or so previously. I was quite interested, in one section, they had actually raised part of the stern – which because of it being buried in mud, was the only piece of the ship to survive the waters.
I consulted the guidebook again "turning left out of the Maritime Musuem lies the submarine Ovens in dry dock".
This I had to see. I’ve always, since an early age – been preoccupied with big floaty things that go bang. My parents put it down to my favourite rubber duck having sunk when I was three. They reckon I never got over it – it’s still a family discussion point twenty-eight years later.
So, we wandered past the museum through an area that looked like a construction site – I guess they were doing renovation work, and I rounded a corner and saw it.



I was lost for words.

This was – and is – the biggest ocean going vessel I've ever seen. It was huge. It was GINORMOUS. It was MASSIVE. It was like what you’d expect the result would be if the TITANIC and the NAUTILUS had copped off at a Led Zeppelin Gig. This sub was the Daddy. It was Mr. Number One Party Animal. It was Bruce Springsteen, AC/DC, Nirvana and the Sex Pistols rolled into one. I fell to my knees and wept openly, I wanted to commandeer it. I wanted to sail the seven seas. I wanted to sail it to the four corners of the globe and nuke anyone I didn't like. In that moment, I was Blackbeard the Pirate, I was Captain Nemo, I was Admiral Nelson, I was all those famed historic and fictional characters I wanted to be… For one shining glorious moment – I was there!
Then Kathie came around the corner 'Wow! Big ship! Anywhere we can get a coffee?"
I've known people be under whelmed before, sometimes hugely. And then there's Kathie. If the world was to implode and shrink into a little black hole she'd go "yeah, so what? What’s next?"
Some people…

We had lunch on a terribly trendy-looking wooden jetty, didn't think I'd get decent fish and chips there – but the seafood in Australia is pretty damn good – and I don’t even like seafood!


Got back to Matt's at about five p.m. – I recovered from my post-submersible blues with the aid of a timely beer in the garden.
Matt and Yol rolled in from work, and I told them of my experiences, they were like "We’ve got a sub? Cool!"
I guess people don't realize what they’ve got in their back yard until an outsider points it out to them…
It's like me. I live in Walsall – a pretty quiet – though Chav-filled part of the West-Midlands. But what it has got, is one of the finest Art Galleries in the country, although hardly anyone knows it – except me – who some years previously scouted out the viewing gallery for possible sniping positions, and denounced it for being too open. I joke, honestly.
But Matt was pretty happy "you’d better get a shower – Mick's class is on in an hour".

Mick’s class. This is one of the reasons I’d flown all that way – to be a student of KitsuneKan. To look over the walls, to find what I could learn, to see what interesting bruises I could gain...
And hell, was it worth it?! Oh yes. To find out much – you'll have go along!
Me, Mick, Matt, Kathie and Sue had a coupla well earned beers after the class, and I got talking to Mick about his class.
"Mick, why KitsuneKan?"
"Well, you know that shoto was Gichin Funagoshi’s pen name and that his students named the first purpose-built karate dojo 'the shotokan' for 'the place of shoto'", said Mick. I understood that.
"The ID I use everywhere, and have used since seems like forever, is Sionnagh - this is Gaelic slang for fox which is my last name (Todd). So, KitsuneKan would seem like 'The place of the fox'".
This also made sense – in my slightly battered state.
I asked Mick why he chose to instruct his students in a weapons style as well as traditional karate.
He said "Weapon forms are an extension of the empty hand. But you still have the same stances, plus it adds to things like balancing, distance and posture, and a slight imbalance or flaw in stance or posture becomes magnified when you're holding a weapon, all because you're manipulating something which has some weight and you have to coordinate both hands".
I agreed on this – how could I not? Plus, apart from the MA benefits – traning with Bo staves was kinda fun.
I enjoyed Mick's class that night, sparring against Sue was interesting, all these non-syllabus kicks and punches coming out of nowhere. I guess that was the Kung-Fu influence coming in – or maybe she's just naturally suited to beating people up. I'd guessed it was the latter reason. I held my own – but I could tell I was outclassed. Matt. I sparred Matt. I would rather take on Bruce Lee, Jet Li and Jackie Chan in quick succession than to spar Matt again, never have I encountered such hostility, such anger, such total determination to see me flattened to a bloody pulp.

So he wiped the floor with me. I guess that’s the difference between someone who does MA for a time-filler – as I am, rather than someone who does it to fill the gaps in between work, wine, marriage and sleep. We ended the day earlier than previous evenings, I think we retired to lick our various bruises! In know GKR is non-contact – but I like to think I gave my Antipodean friends something to thing about!

6. Thursday Afternoon. Roaming Perth…….

Due having rather drunk too much the evening before, I rose rather late in the day – Matt didn’t seem undually worried apart from a very Australian comment “look!” he exclaimed as I wandered into the kitchen “It’s Rip van Bleedin’ Winkle!” He was probably satisfied by now, I’d quite easily fit in the wheelie bin….
I ignored this and feebly asked for coffee, “Right” he said “We`ve got a free day today – so it’s up to you,what you want to do.”
I needed to go souvenir shopping, and said so.

As an aside, I have to say that Australian hangovers linger rather longer than an English one. Maybe because of the difference in beers….. Australians tend to drink lager – like our American cousins. This led me to believe that they have no taste in beer.
Now, as we all all know, this isn’t true. It’s just that Australian have a different drinking culture to us brits. If I want to go down the local for a pint it’ll take me 5 minutes to walk there, one hour to get absolutely trolleyed, half an hour to stagger home, and six months to deal with the subsequent divorce….
I ‘spose its hard to have a drinking culture whn your nearest pub is 45 mins walk away……. But, hey, I`m not Australian, what do I know?
Anyhow, Me, Kathie, Yol, and Matt, venturered into Perth for a shopping trip..
This was truly an experience to behold, Perth is a nice clean and tidy city – at least compared to Birmingham, at any rate!
Although, I did see some familiar sights – the street entertainers for example.
I watched, thoroughly enthralled as a tattooed chap – who looked like he`d spent three years talking to the cacti in the desert – proceeded to run through his routine, which mostly consisted of taking the micky out of any unfortunate soul unlucky to catch his rather glazed eye. This Entertainer chap then went on to blow up a three foot long balloon – which is presented to the crowd “Huh,” I thought “I could do that. No problem”
He then ate it. In one go.
I was impressed.
He then swallowed a sword. I was impressed by this aswell, even though I harboured certain private thoughts about what happened when the tip of the sword met the balloon…. It’d make an attack of Gastroenteritis seem like a birthday present…

So, we had a spot of lunch in Perth, I can’t remember what I ate but I bet it was a lot more healthier than what the Entertainer ate that day.

We roamed around Perth for a couple more hours – I bought two Australian Rugby shirts, one for me, and one for my old man, a few more souvenirs and a T-shirt with three wombats on it – Which I presented to my karate Friend when I got home.
( I later found out that she wears this particular item in bed…… obvious wombat fetish there )
I also bought a small furry toy wombat. This animal was going to be called Caligula – but following a suggestion from one of our members, was named Jessie.


We then retired to home, mainly to give Matt time to prepare for his grading… Of which follows soon..ish

7.Thursday Evening part 1….Matts Grading…..

Well, Matts TKD grading was interesting to say the least! I’ve only ever been to GKR grading – so I hadn’t really got anything else to compare it too…. It was certainly different. I’d asked Matt how he felt earlier on – And I think he was quietly confident, though worried about his kata.

Me, Matt, Kathie and Yolanda piled into the dojo, Matt went off to one side to warm up and the rest of us sat at the end of the hall to watch.
It started off with a few warm-ups – then a quick run through some basics punches and kicks. People then paired up in ability and performed, well – I’d call it in-line sparring, but it seemed to me to be focused on kicks and takedowns.

After a while of this, the students then ran through kata. These kata seemed to me to be similar to the Heian katas used in shotokan ( I trained in Shotokan when I was a kid, about 20 years ago and haven’t been near the style since - I’m happy to admit my ignorance )

There was a break of about five minutes then, to give people time to clamber into their body armour. I was impressed ( and not a little concerned ) “What`re they going to do to each other?” I said to Kathie. I had visions of having to drag Matt out into the car-park and give him CPR……
But I was seriously, seriously impressed with the sparring. Talk about full on……….. It seemed to be mainly different kicks – the punches seemed to be there as a distraction, almost.
Matt squared up against this other chap – and put a such a flurry of roundhouse kicks in – I’d honestly hadn’t seen anyone kick that fast before ( Ok folks, Bruce Lee movies don’t count )

I actually felt sorry for the other chap – but then I thought – well, it’s a grading, so they are gonna go hell-for-leather. I managed to video some of it on my camera – I`ll have to see if we can get it up here, the file is sitting on Matts PC in Perth!
But, It was interesting watching another form of Martial Art, and especially a grading aswell…

Oh sorry? Yes, Matt did ok

8. Thursday Evening part 2....pub, Beer, Dinner


To celebrate Matts' momentous event at grading, we decided to get some dinner at a pub Matt and Yol knew of.
As we drew into the car park - I espied a certain car parked there. No-one else in Western Australia would drive ( or have the guts to drive ) a car like that...
"Matt?" I said "Is Mick here?"
"Yeah, he said he`d drop by for a pint"

I knew it

I've mentioned Micks motah in previous chapters, but I really do believe that this fine automobile derserves more praise than I could possibly give it.
Put it like this - If I was to wander into a scrapyard and command the assorted wrecks to rise from the heap like Lazarus from the slab - then I'm sure I would have a finer vehicle than the one Mick was ( and to my certain knowledge, still is) driving around in.
I wandered over to have a closer look at it - maybe cos it was night time or something - but I'm sure it had a touch more primer paint on it than the last time I saw it. Maybe the grand restoration project was gaining headway.

Anyhow, we strolled into the pub - or at least most of us did. Matt swaggered into the pub like a conquering barbarian, intent on pillage and plunder!
"blimey," I thought "He's really happy about his grading"
I resolved to buy him a drink. It was the least I could do...

While I was trying to catch the barmaids eye, Matt, Yolanda and Kathie had spotted Mick at a large table. Quite how he'd managed to find such a good table in such a crowded pub was beyond me, I always end up sitting next to the local nutters....


So, now equipped with pints of tooheys and whiskey and cokes, we looked at the menu. There was one thing I had to eat - I couldn't fly halfway across the planet and not eat it "That one!" I pointed with my finger at the menu. Matt looked over "Yeah, mate. I'll have one as well"
So, while we ordered, I got another pint of tooheys - given that my previous experience of Australian beer was either Fosters or XXXX - this stuff was actually quite drinkable

And Dinner arrived. Kangaroo Steak..... Oh sweet joy, Oh rapture...Oh divine glory... I believe this was the first i'd I'd ever eaten anything that had the ability to move at over 40 KPH under it's own steam....
... And how did it taste, I hear you ask?
Well, I had to find out...
I raised my cutlery....
And put them down.
I raised my cutlery....
And put them down again....
I swear I could have heard something just on the cusp of my hearing.... I glanced at my dinner. Yep, It was there.....
I put my ear to my steak.
"Wassat Skippy?" I said, in my best 'strine. And bent down to my food again. "There's a little boy trapped down the old well?"
I looked up, bemused grins greeted me.
I returned my gaze to my dinner - it failed to twitch its' nose at me, or do anything else for that matter except sit there and look edible. So I pursued the only option available to me - I ate it

And how did it taste? Well.......... Texture of lean beef steak I'd say - but a very rich taste reminiscent of Reindeer, in my opinion.
Certainly worth eating again once, or maybe twice or three times come to that! Went well with a bottle of red, I know that:)




Next up..... A very hot day, jules and the pinnacles desert, stromies and ..... hangover bay.



Footnote:- Kids! Alcohol is very bad for you! If you find any, please give it to your parents without delay. They will be very happy

9. Big Strange-Looking Rocks, Small Bubbly Strange-Looking Rocks, A Looooong car drive, and a Barbeque

I woke quite early in the day ( for me anyway!) and wandered into the kitchen to find Matt and Yol preparing various coolboxes "Better get up, Mate" said Matt "we`re leaving in half an hour"
Ah, I thought, Road trip - excellent

So we piled into Matts motor and heads on upto, well..... desert really.
Now, I'm not a good traveller at the best of times and I'm also a terrible backseat driver. However, Yol was map-reading, so we were pretty much on the right road all the way. This saved Matt, Yol and Kathie from such comments as "Weren't you supposed to take that last left turn?" or "I coulda sworn I saw a speed trap back there" and the all-time classic "Ooh look, theres a PoliceMan! I think he`s angry with us...."
Such behaviour has caused me to thrown out of a moving vehicle on more than one occasion...

Luckily we bought entertainment with us in the form of Matts collection of Triple J Rock compilation CDs and his current favourite CD, the new one by Rammstein. Now, I like some of Rammsteins stuff, but only in moderation - Listen to too much, and it makes you want to don a spiked helmet, pull on a pair of jackboots, and march into Poland.
Triple J was the better bet really - most of the CD consisted of Australian acts who I`d never heard of before ....Spiderbait....John Butler Trio....Deadstar....Men at Work....
I`m joking about Men at Work. I`ve heard their one and only hit single, and to be honest, theres a good reason why they only had one hit single - over here anyway.
Anyway, The pinnacles....


I can`t really do these weird rock formations the justice they deserve. It was sort of like walking on the surface of another planet, wandering amongst these things ( except for the japanese tourists of course )
The National park is quite large, but has frequent parking spaces where you could pull in and stroll around and take pictures.
I talked to Matt, he said it was the first time he`d been there. I couldn't quite believe that. He has one of the most strangest sights in the world, literally in his back yard, and neither he nor Yol had ever been there before?

Although having said that, StoneHenge is two hours drive away from me and how many times have I been there?.... ( I`d better go quick, last thing I heard, the Highways Authority was planning to tunnel under it to build a motorway - I kid you not...)

But we saw lots of interesting rocks..... Folks, If you never thought rocks were interesting, then you obviously haven`t got the sort of mind our esteemed Forum Boss has..
"Tom! Tom! come here!"
"whats up?" I ran over.
"Look at that rock! It looks like a great big ***** !"
I looked at the rock. Then I looked at Matt. Not having seen many of what Matt was referring to, I decided that I couldn't possibly comment. His time in the Australian Army was obviously well-spent....


We spent over an hour driving and walking around the park. We saw lots more strange rocks including one that kathie said looked like Casper the Ghost. Our progress was only halted by Matt inadvertantly driving over a small rock, he was lucky - there was no visible damage, but still caused a moments stress.

We decided to head off. As we approached a T-junction in the road ( alright, track) I saw a sign. Left was Hangover Bay, and Right was simply labelled Stromatolites.
I had to see this.
"Matt! Matt!"
"What?"
"We have to turn right! These things are amazing!"
"Are they? Ok..."
We drove along a dirt road for a while and pulled into a deserted car park, by a small natural round harbour.

Dotted here and there on the rocks were dead stromatolites. These looked like round grey rocks, about two feet across and around six inches high. they were crumbly to the touch, and I took a very very small piece as a souvenier.

I walked down to the waters edge. I`d read somewhere that these organisms can only survive in hyper-saline waters, hence there were only a few places on the entire planet where these creatures - maybe thats the wrong word? - could survive - all in Australia. I dipped a hand into the water and touched one. It was black in colour and slightly spongy to the touch. If you looked very closely, you could see very faint bubbles coming from them.
I read later that these formations were made by - or are - certain bacteria that can only survive in certain areas.
I looked up "Hey Matt!"
"Yeah?"
"D'you know you`re the second oldest lifeform here?"
I can't tell you what he said, but Kathie cracked up. It's not really printable....

We drove on towards Hangover bay. What a name

We parked on the car park by the beach and Yol and Matt fired up the BBQ. I found this really strange that a beach should have a static BBQ as a main attraction - but then again, I'm not Australian, what do I know?

I decided to go and find Kathie, who had wandered off on to the beach.

The beach was amazing, nearly-white sand and clear water. I hadn't bought any swimming shorts with me, but wearing my light hiking trousers and Land-Rover ™ trekking sandals. I found Kathie and decided to go for a paddle...
You know when you`re walking your dog beside a pond or lake or whatever, and you let dear old Fido off the leash - and sure enough he ends up swimming 200 feet out. Well this was abit like that......
I looked down and saw lots of little tiny fish swimming around my legs. I was happy....

We returned to the BBQ where Matt was doing his usual chef thing, and for the record, the chicken and pasta was superb!
So was the bottle of red, which accounted for my somewhat somnambulant state on the drive home

What a great day!


Nooms note: As person voted "most likely to be killed by her friends for owning a camera", I get to add the pics. There were too many to choose from. Go HERE to see the rest.

FREEEOOOOOOO!!!!! ( and a little kata! )

Fremantle vs Port Adelaide.
This was one of the reason I came to Australia. I was really looking forward to this game. Matt was aswell, reason being Adelaide had won the last season - and thus deserved to be taken down a notch or two.

I hadn't had alot of experience of Oz rules football before now, only knowing it to be a mix of rugby and football with the added bonus of tight tops and shorts for the players ( surely for the benefit of female spectators )

This was obviously going to be one of the greatest sporting occasions of my life and I was determined to enjoy it........
So, having eaten at a local Mexican beforehand and refreshed ourselves with a bottle of Red, we entered the stand..
We armed ourselves with a couple of glasses of cougar and settled down to enjoy the preceedings. This worried me somewhat. Over here, we dont allow alcohol at football games, and with good reason sometimes. But I needn't have worried.
Durinig the pre-game hiatus, we made friends with a couple of women who were on the tier below us - and thus had an obscured view of the game. Matt and I, being total gentlemen, found this to be totally unacceptable, and thus offered them the vacant seats to the left of us. I never found out the names of these girls - tho I'd subsequently named them Madge and Sheila - for wont of any other name. They proved to be ardent supporters of Fremantle and were nearly as vocal as me and Matt!
Then came the pre-game proceediings. I thought the parachutists to be most impressive, I'd never seen them at any english game before.
Click to view attachment

Then everybody stood up for the national anthem. I was abit unsure about this - not knowing the words, and you lot giving us Prisoner Cell Block H and everything...... but I stood up nonetheless.
I noticed a Native Australian chap further down the bench who remained sitting down. Fair comment I suppose, we were all there to enjoy the same game.

And the game? Well, it was great! I screamed, cheered, wept, shouted abuse ( and at great length) - and that was only the first half! Freo really wanted to Show Adelaide something, and they certainly did!
By half-time, Me and Matt were really stoked, We bought more cougars and then we spotted the lone Adelaide supporter, sitting the other side of the tunnel...
Friendly banter? You betcha!
I can't describe what gesture he performed in return...... suffice to say, it wasn't very nice... though not unexpected!
And the second half was great. after spending over half of the game behind, Adelaide scored a try which put them in the lead. I couldn`t stand it. I jumped to my feet and screamed "Enjoy it, adelaide, cos its the only goal youre gonna get!" Madge and Sheila were most impressed by this, and said to Matt that I ought to come along more often if I was going to behave like that!
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Oz rules football has somewhat of a reputation of being a violent sport here. But having watched a game, I didn't find it anymore brutal than a typical rugby game - except when an Adelaide player tackled one of the dockers, and the poor chap found himself dumped upside down on his head. Even Matt was surprised by this.
Anyhow Fremantle won 83-52 which was an absolutely resounding win. Though I'm not sure they were able to top that during the rest of the season ( I'm sure someone will correct me! ) but Hell! It was a damn good start!
Me and Matt returned home to Chez` Edwards to find that we'd missed Susans class... But it was the footy!! To be honest, I wish I'd had been able to get to both, although Mick and Kathie went - and had good fun by all accounts!

We ended off the evening in the garden, as per usual. Matt and Mrs Matt disappeared around midnite, leaving me and kathie to discuss life, the universe and everything until the small hours. Namely Bassai Dai. We went though this kata in length and in detail, until I felt I knew it... or knew the pattern at least!
It started to rain a little, it was about 2-3am at this point. Kathie went inside, and I stayed in the yard going through my kata. It's strange being out in the rain doing something productive. Personally I love it! Makes me feel sorta alive, Y`know?
Probably comes from working outside in all weathers for five years...

Margaret River and the Bootleg Brewery


We woke up quite early on Sunday. Or at least Matt, Yolanda and Kathie did. I was woken up by Matt hammering on the Door shouting "Get up you lazy ....... Or I'm sending the cat in!"

This was an important day - We were going for a wander round some of the Margaret River Wineries. I was looking forward to this, It's not too easy to get Western Australian wines here, you don't tend to see them in the local off-licence or supermarket. Even the specialist wine importers are restricted to just a couple of different wines.

So we had a fairly long drive down to the region - though only by my standards, I mean we didn't cross into any different time-zones or anything. It must be tricky when you`re living in the outback or bush, and the nearest pub is two hours drive away. My nearest pub is two minutes walk away and, frankly thats one minute too long.

So yes, a long drive punctuated only, by the occasional "Watch out for the Wombat" sign (these, I found quite humourous, I don't know why. Wombats are grumpy, lethargic and destructive animals, and they smell bad. Plus they're stupid - unless books and TV had been lying to me. ) And Matts Rammstein CDs - this group aren't humourous at all, I don't care what anyone says.

Anyhow, we were barreling along at a fair old rate, when Kathie spoke up "Slow down Matt! I can see 'Roos in that field"
We slowed down and pulled over - but sadly by the time I'd got my camera ready, they were only a small group of rapidly disappearing bouncy dots in the distance
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They`re there. Just left of the treeline....

Oh well.... I'd probably see one as roadkill later on - or possibly lunch.... maybe not much difference between the two....

We got to Margeret River and stopped off at the Bootleg Brewery. This was incredibly busy owing to all the tourists and sightseers. But we were different - we`d just come to sample the beer
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The beer was very very good. I'm a bit of a boring real-ale type normally, and was usually fairly dismissive of most Australian Lagers, but at the Bootleg Brewery they're making real efforts to improve things - It's just a pity most of the rest of the world doesn't know about it. But I can say that about alot of the places I visited over there.
So, after a couple of drinks to revive us after the journey - and after buying Brewery T-Shirts and Bumper Stickers - we were off again.

We stopped off at a couple of wineyards just for a few tastings, Matt bought a couple of bottles to replenish his rapidly-diminishing collection, from the Capel Vale Winery aswell as a bottle of port to add to his fortified port barrel.

We travelled around a few more Wineries then headed back home, but we had one more stop to make....
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.... where we bought chocolate I was trying to eat healthily on this holiday - but I found Australian chocolate very nice..... Bit too nice to be honest, its lovely!

We headed home after that, we had another busy day tomorrow. We were going Quokka-Hunting!

Rottnest Island, Quokkas, and an Angry Lizard.

I was looking forward to today. Rottnest Island. This Island is a popular day-out for people looking get away from Perth for a day or two, to relax, drink, or swim. I intended to do all three.
Me, Kathie and Matt met up with Sue at the Ferry docks and hung around the dock for a while untill the Ferry was ready to take us over. The Ferry was pretty crowded, it was in the middle of the holiday season and I guess everybody had the same idea.
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Our Ferry.

As soon as the boat cleared the harbour, we went up onto the viewing deck to have a look around. The water was quite choppy, and Matt had the misfortune to be standing next to a poor little lad who was suddenly and violently seasick, much to my sadistic pleasure. I don't know why Matt got so upset, his sandals needed cleaning anyway.....

We arrived on the Island and decided to do the sensible thing and go and find a pub, the trouble was, was that all of the places by the harbour were packed out. so we grabbed a snack from a fast-foot place and went out for a wander around.
We quickly decided that there were just too many tourists around, so we ventured into the undergrowth to see what we could flush out. I was a little nervous at this, I'd survived a week in Oz without anything horrible happening to me ( with the honourable exception of Sue's yoko ura uchi ) and I certainly didn't fancy waking up in the local hospital with a foot the size of a wardrobe after being bitten by something small and vengeful.
As we wandered through the shrubs, we could see the grass moving occasionaly, quokkas were out there, they just didn't want to be found .....
But suddenly we found a couple in a bush

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This picture was taken by Kathie, who proved to be an excellent photographer. You can see me and Sue peering into the bush, trying to get a few pics of the two quokkas inside, while in the background and to the right, Matt is sitting on the ground contemplating well, who knows!

We called Kathie over, these two Quokka were quite happy to have their photos taken, and even happier to eat her lunch.

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We took quite a liking to these two happy little animals, whom Kathie named Heckle and Jeckle.... I would have been happier to name them Breakfast and Dinner but still....

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Heckle

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Jeckle
While were fussing over these two cute little creatures, Matt was thrashing around in the undergrowth himself. Maybe he'd taken all those TV programmes about the bush too seriously....

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As it turned out, he'd found something that was quite interesting....

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This was a lizardy-type creature called a BlueTongue. Kathie assured me that it wasn't venomous, although they did bite. I kept my distance. I was wise to - just after the picture was taken, The lizard went for Matts' hand - it didn't get him, but it made me jump!

So, after this little surprise we decided to leave Rottnests wildlife be, and head down to the beach for a spot of swimming.
Now, these days I try and avoid beaches ( Greeenpeace try to roll me back into the ocean ) but I figured that since I was on holiday, I owed it to myself to sample the waters as it were.
The water was quite warm and really clear. As I edged out further I cound see tiny little fish swimming around my feet. As long as I didn't see great big sharks, I wasn't too bothered.
While we were paddling around like sea-lions ( or Matt and Sue were, I was busy trying not drown ) Kathie had gone climbing over the rocks and found some seagulls to photograph,

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she came back complaining that she'd nearly come a cropper on the rocks, well if people will go rock climbing on strange islands....
We decided that the best course of action was to go and find a bar and while away the last hour on rottnest with a beer or two. So, we found a nice quiet bar and settled down - halfway through, we were interrupted by a couple of strange guests - A reminder that the local wildlife still tends to treat people as temporary Guests rather than permanent inhabitants.

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We caught the Ferry back, and decided to head back home. Overall, A very interesting and fun day, with a couple of chances to meet Australian wildlife up close!

Next Time..... Me in Sydney and Lalor park.

[MATT BUTTS IN]
If anyone thinks day trips the the pinnacles, Margaret River and Rotto in the space of four days is a lot - you will be right.... theres no way Tom was going to miss his flight to Sydney the next morning... I needed some REST!

Okay - Ive been quiet through the months of character assassination... back to you Tom...

(Thankyou Matt:p )

To Sydney... And Beyond! ( ok, maybe not )

Barely caught the flight to Sydney, mainly due to hitting traffic in Perth - which was fairly unusual, according to Matt.
I didn't think that the traffic was that bad, though once you've sat on the M6 in England for four hours you begin to realise how lucky some people have it.

I can't remember much about the plane trip, I must have slept through most it - No surprise there:)
Anyway, we got into Sydney about early afternoon and collected Kathies car up from her folks ( and picked Teresa up aswell - Hi `Resa! ) then went to Rancho Nooms to settle in.
We hung about for a coupla hours (ok, I fell asleep again - the Narcopolepsy was really kicking in ) then went to training.

Lalor Park Dojo has a good reputation amongst the GKR crowd. Theres been some very good instructors come out of there, aswell as high standard of student.
I myself have met an Australian RM over here that started his training at Lalor Park.
Sensei Jo gave a very good class, and thoroughly took my kata to pieces ( which was what it needed, to be honest!)

I'm not going to go into too much detail about the class, if you train there, you'll know why you train there - and if you don't - well, why not!
I forgot my sparring gear - so I watched a 1st kyu student go through Sanseru and Sepai. I'd not really seen these kata much before now, so they were pretty impressive to watch.

I chatted to an orange belt chap from Durham who'd came over in 1974, and found it really strange how he'd still kept the same broad accent - I figure that if I moved to Australia, I'd have `Strine down to a tee within a coupla weeks:)

Tomorrow : Doing the tourist thing.............

Doin' the tourist thing....
Wednesday...
Got up late (No surprise there:) ) And since Kathie and Noomettes had vanished, I decided to take the train into Sydney.
I read up on Sydney during the train journey, and decided that the city was going to take at least a couple of days to explore properly - was going to take a fair while to explore on foot, but I figured that was really the only way to see anything.
I got off at the Central station and headed for the National Maritime Museum - yes, I decided to indulge my passion for big floaty noisy things once again!
I wandered around HMAS Vampire, which is the museums biggest ship. She was built in 1956 and commisioned by the Navy in 1959.
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She is a Daring-class Destroyer, although modified from an original British design (Obviously dating from the days when we used to build things that didnt leak, blow up, break down or otherwise go belly-up within ten minutes of someone pressing the "on" button).
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She served in the Navy until 1986, contributing to Australia's defense during the Cold War years. Her primary mission was to provide aircraft carrier escort and gunfire support to the fleet. HMAS Vampire took part in many exercises and joint operations with other navies. What I found interesting was that She made troop escort runs to Vietnam in 1965-67 and 1969, but was not directly involved in any action. In 1980 she was refitted for her final role as a crew training ship, and then decommissioned and donated to the Museum.
It's really worth a look around if you're into this sort of thing - and hey, if you're not, you've probably fallen asleep now now!
Incidently, Ive often wondered why Ships and Planes and things like that are referred to in the feminine subtext. Maybe its because a coupla shells from these things are the equivalent of a good tongue-lashing by the missus? I dunno.....
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I then had a guided tour of HMAS Onslow. This I really wanted to see, cos as I've said in previous posts, I have a deep love of this type of Sub (The same class as the one in dry-dock at Fremantle, for those Anorak-wearing Notebook-Grasping Trainspotter types amongst you.. ok, that`ll just be me then)
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I got talking to the guide, he mentioned that claustrophobia could be a real problem onboard - I could certainly see it - given the amount of room inside!
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I talked to him about my cousin - who had been Lt. Commander in a Royal Navy Sub until he took up a post in Portsmouth - My cousin is 6'4'' and always walks with a stoop - now I know why!
A submarine is not the ideal place for a tall bloke!

I had a look round the other ships moored there. I was particularly taken with a fast-attack patrol boat named HMAS Advance
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This I felt, would be quite suited to maybe a sunny day's boating on the Thames River in London perhaps A gentle cruise up towards the houses of Parliament, whack a few rounds into the guns, and let `er rip!
Anyhow, Enough of my daydreaming - I didn't think the Museum would take kindly to me trying to hijack one of their boats! Having had technically committed an act of piracy in the UK a few years back (Involving a swedish cruise ship, a bottle of vodka, and a willing chambermaid ) I didn't really want to be caught doing anything untoward in Australia - god knows, I had enough of a rotten reputation in Europe, let alone it spreading to the southern hemisphere!

Anyway, It was time for me to head back to Chez Nooms - The rest of Sydney could wait for another day. Unbeknown to me, I had a GoJu class to go to....

Goju a go-go

(With many thanks to Nooms, as this is asmuch her post, as it is mine.)

Well, Why did we go? Mainly because Kathie's friend/Boss/Former Instructor pestered her to, and because She had known one of the Instructors there for a couple of years.

So we introduced ourselves and asked if we could join in - They were more than happy to let us participate, even when I said I couldn't actually sign upto anything, and was just there on holiday.

So there followed one of the most gruelling warm-ups I've ever had, Honestly, I'll never forget that warm-up - I've been to easier gradings, And I mean that....

Most of the class involved partner work, and we concentrated on holds and breaks - although to our eyes, some of them seemed a little fanciful - Would pressure-point techniques work in a must-do situation? I think after a helluvalot of practice they would..... But it's inappropriate to judge a whole style after attending just one class.

Their Chief Instructor, Kancho (not THAT one ) Deena Naidu was there and moved amongst the students, correcting here and there, and offering pointers. He helped me with quite alot of the breakholds, and spent a surprising amount of time with someone who he`d never probably see at his class again. I was grateful to him for this, and he seemed to have limitless reserves of patience.

The skill level in the class was very high though, over half of the students were 2nd kyu and above - I liked this, and the brown-belt chap I partnered with,was pleased to have a total newbie to try out his (very effective) joint locks on!

I liked the class overall, but I would've liked to do a kata class I think. Though Sionnagh, back in Perth taught me the Goju-version of Saifa, which has so many subtle variations on the GKR version - as well as the more obvious ones.

So, Many thanks to Kancho Deena Naidu - for letting us train there, and to Sensei Phil who also runs a great Martial Arts shop in Sydney
I don't usually do plugs - but these guys are seriously worth training with....

Dojo Address:-

GoshinKan Goju Karate
Rooty Hill Primary School
Rooty Hill, NSW, 2766

Telephone: 02 8824 6587





Sensei`s Martial Arts Store
4 Barker Street
Rooty Hill
Sydney
NSW 2766

02 98321389



Next up, back to the touristy stuff

p.s. many apologies on the lateness of this post folks, real life has an annoying tendency to get in the way sometime

Doin' the tourist stuff again

The previous nights gojo-goings-on must have really tired me out, because I surfaced from my pit at about 9am ( which, to be honest was pretty early for me )
Kathie and the kids had disappeared to school or work, so I wandered down to the train station and took the train into sydney.
It`s not a bad journey, takes about an hour, and is quite restful (unless you do what I did, and fall asleep whilst on the move. I woke up a short while later and managed to convince myself that I was on the Birmingham-Walsall Express, I managed to shake myself out of this when I realised that we hadn't broken down due to the leaves on the line or similar )
So, I got off at Wynards station, wandered round a couple of music shops, and consulted my travel guide (The Rough Guide To Australia - priced : fairly expensive - from all good booksellers. Seriously though, if anyone wants mine, they can have it, half the pages have fallen out, one corner of it has been mysteriously chewed, and its margins are full of little notes and asides saying things like "rubbish!" and "been there. bad place" )

I decided to take a stroll across the harbour bridge.
I tell you what folks, If you ever wanted to see something really really big, the Sydney Harbour Bridge takes some beating, it is bloody massive - and it takes a helluva long time to walk across I`ll tell you that!
I took quite alot of pictures, but it was quite a dreary day and the light wasn't too good, so sadly not many came out right. ( theres some other good ones on Matts no.2 PC I think - when I get back over i`ll upload em )

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So I wandered across the bridge, I think it took me about three-quarters of an hours, and I certainly wasn't rushing!
I stopped to have a look at the Opera house below. Now, as hugely-recognisable iconic structures go, the building really was the daddy. It surely is one of the most well-known things in the world. If you were to be parachuted into the depths of the Amazonian Basin, and encounted the local natives, I`m sure they`d be able to recognise it (Shortly before sacrificing you to the great forest gods, then boiling down the remains for dinner of course)
But today it just sort of looked abit... well, dull and instead of the brilliant white paintwork i`d been expecting, it was a sort of beige-grey colour.
I resolved to go down and have a closer look once I`d finished with the bridge.....

I half finished my trek across the bridge and found a shop where I bought a few postcards, wrote them in a small cafe ( where I had lunch) then posted them off, along with a couple of older ones ( hey Jessica and Lars ( if you`re reading)? You wondered why your postcard from Perth was actually from Sydney? here's why!)

I consulted my bible again, It didn't say much about the north side of the bridge, and as it seemed to consist mainly of office blocks, I decided to rename it "The boring bit" and set off to walk back....


So, I wandered back over the bridge and found myself in a small park on a hill right by the Sydney Observatory.
I decided to rest awhile here, it was nice and calm - quite a contrast to the city around it!

Here`s a pic of the bridge. In the foreground you can see the War Memorial
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I went for a walk back down towards the Bridge. I walked into the Area known as "The Rocks" (don`t ask me why) and was quite taken with Argyle Cut, which had been hewn out of the granite. It seemed to remind me alot of England...
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I decided to go and investigate the Opera House next....

BUT! While I was wandering around the observatory grounds and traversing the many steps in The Rocks, some local Wag had re-painted the Opera House in commemoration of a certain sporting event......

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Only joking Folks!

Next up.... A visit to the zoo....

'0rrible Australian Creatures ......

I was in for a treat today! Kathie and Teresa had decided they were going to take me to FeatherDale Wildlife park for a close-up n' personal encounter with the myriad varieties of creature that Australia had to offer. Just quite how personal I was to find out!

Now, being that Australia has had millions of years to evolve more or less unnoticed by the rest of the planet, it`s managed to produce quite possibly the wierdest animals ever..... big hopping rat-things, small hopping rat-things, cuddly grey teddy-bear things, and a strange creature that looked like a cross between a guinea-pig and a bear.

First off we saw these guys.

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We`ve got these over here, but you really hardly ever see them. I`ve only ever seen them at dusk on summer evenings, but you`ve really gotta be watching out for them.
But these Aussie bats were huge!

Next we came across a walled enclosure that contained this guy

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He seemed quite content to lie there for the benefit of the tourists, fairly happy to just lie there in the sun.... However, one of the ZooKeepers, a lad of about 18-19 ( who I renamed "Deathwish" Dundee ) took it into his head to clamber into the pen with a stick and then proceeded to prod the Croc with it. I nudged Kathie "Any minute now.... you watch this..."
Sadly, the Crocodile remained unfazed by this, and my hopes for Zookeepers untimely dismemberment went sadly unforfilled....

We wandered around, and stopped to take a few pics of these.

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Me and Teresa briefly wondered whether Mitten had recruited them to "the cause" yet. We think one of them gave us a nod, but we weren`t sure.....

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Next we saw a dingo.

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"He must be a sad dingo" said Kathie, "whys that?" I said, aware that over here, Dingos had got a bit of a bad press. "well, Dingo`s are pack animals" said Kathie.
He looked ok to me though, lots of room to run about I thought.

I noticed this animal.

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I`ve never seen a more shifty-looking little critter! Gotta say it - Looked nothing like the cartoon character though!

In another fenced-off enclosure We saw this.

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The cassowary is considered to be one of Australias most dangerous creatures (which is saying something believe me! ) and have been known to seriously injure or even kill people. I know theres been reports of Zookeepers being badly injured by them (sadly, not the clueless croc-baiting berk in Sydney!)
I resolved that, if I was to ever encounter one in the wild, I would endeavour to run very very fast........ But I don't think it would be fast enough!


Next up, We wandered into a gated area, that contained quite a few kangawallaroobies ( hey, they all looked the same to me! )
We managed to navigate round the crowds of japanese tourists and made our way to the gate out.
But it was not to be......

Blocking our way was the most evil-looking creature I`ve ever had the misfortune to clap eyes on, worse than the tasmanian devil, and EVEN worse than Matt when he noticed I`d failed to decant his prized bottle of '02 Moss Bros. cab sav...

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I stopped and looked at it. It stopped stalking around the pen and looked back at me.
"Go on" said Teresa "Go round it and open the gate"
"Are you joking?" I said. "Look at it. That thing wants me dead, I`m not going past it."

I moved to the side. The emu moved to the side. I moved to the other side. The emu moved to the other side - never taking its eyes off me.
I was terrified. Nothing in my training, or even life had prepared me for a mexican stand-off with an insane five-foot tall chicken.
(meanwhile, Kathie and Teresa had wandered past to the exit gate, totally nonplussed)

Eventually the emu moved to the side, I edged my way past and went through the gate.
I looked back at the Emu. It was still looking at me "Yeah" It seemed to say "I know where you live...."


I needed to wind down abit after my encoounter with the Emu, and luckily I found the perfect distraction.

We found some wombats!

The first one I saw was lying flat on its back with its legs in the air, fast asleep inside a followed out log.

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And the second one I saw was fast asleep aswell ( notice something here? )

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The third one was snuffling about inside a log but waddled down to where we were standing...

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Then wandered off to one side of the pen then slowly trundled past us to the other side of the pen. I got the impression that this was a routine that the creature had perfected years ago, and certainly wasn't going to change it anytime soon, obviously plenty of mileage left yet!

I was happy now. I wandered round the rest of the zoo in a sort of daze (though maybe that was relief at not getting horribly slaughtered by the Emu... )

But time was getting on. And we had a class to go to....

Next up - Friday Evening and Saturday.